UNDERGOING change be right back

Who am I? Why should you care?

I’m as mischievous as my lack of hair

I’ll do you no harm

and I’m not short of charm

But beware of my cynical tongue

I’m actual an optimist or something that rhymes like this

It is what it is, I might take the piss

But I’m not the only one

And maybe I do it for fun

So now who are you? Where do you live? What do you do?

You can trust me it’s true, I wouldn’t harm you

Is it rude to ask? What is your pin code?

Pass me those bullets I’m empty and needing a reload

What that’s all about I’ve no fucking idea

My mouth says the words that the computer types here

So don’t blame me for writing this drivel, no, it isn’t me you should blame

No it’s String my invisible friend, I think the fuckers insane

Home or Benderskum, Walden or a different drumbeat

There once was a man who lived in the woods

He lived very simply for he knew that he could

Life was not easy to live in that manner

But being astute he was always a planner

Fetching wood for the fire and water and food

Clothes on his back and feet mostly shoed

The wonders of nature never ceased to amaze

Soft touch of the rain and the suns warming rays

On winter mornings his clothes often frozen

However it pleased him this life that he’d chosen

This wonderful life in amongst all the trees

At night time a candle to help him to see

The only buzzing was the sound of the bees

Or the hoot of an owl or the song of the breeze

He lived his life freely and as rich as a king

He didn’t have money but what joy can that bring

His freedom was something that many have lost

For many have needs that are heavily embossed

They pay for with their freedom and that’s quite a cost

Their I’s are all dotted there T’s are all crossed

He lived in a way that most have forgotten

In the civilised world with foundations quite rotten

So if you go to the woods try not to rush

Listen to nature it’s really quite lush

And perhaps stop to think take a leaf from this book

If you can’t see the future don’t bother to look

What will be is not certain and not something to worry

So live in the present there is no need to hurry

I met a pretty lady in Amsterdam she was crazy as can be

I knew this from her strange hello of Toedeledoki 

I met her near the Rijksmuseum we sat beneath a tree

We chatted for hours and hours as cosy as we could be

Then went to have some coffee in a nearby coffee shop

And listen to some music and smoke a little pot

 At close we walked and laughed and dreamed

Into the night with my onzichtbare vriend

The tree of life under the tree of life

A very vegan poem

When you say that you’re a vegan you hear disgruntled voices

Because people are somehow scared of your personal lifestyle choices

I only say I’m vegan because that’s just what I am

And I know you don’t really believe the ingredients of spam

Because you love a bag of those sticky jelly sweets

You really can't believe they’re made of lips and bums and feet

When you say that you love all animals but couldn’t give up meat

Morally duplicitous behaviour could be something for you to beat

I wouldn’t ever dream of suggestion that you should be like me

But tell me that I should eat meat again, get back in the sea

I would never dream of telling you that you shouldn’t be eating corpses

It’s just, as you seem to like it so much, why not cats and dogs and horses?

If you think that that’s offensive I really could care less

If I’m prodding at your guilty conscience and appearing like a pest

Don’t bother telling me animals die in order to produce my food

That’s a blatant Carnist argument and it’s very, fucking rude

They die because the farmers only want to make a buck

As for killing wildlife off in the process they do not give a fuck

The nutritional content of vegan food is a thing most folks will not know

But unlike the food in a Carnists diet it’s very easy to grow

It takes 26% of terrestrial land or at least the land not frozen

To cater for the diet it seems the majority have chosen

But being a vegan is more than the food and definitely more than a diet

And probably why vegans want everyone one to know and I’m certainly glad they're not quiet

It’s much more of an ethical viewpoint on the sanctity of life

Whether murdered in a sterile slaughterhouse or

a shed with a rusty old knife

Murder is murder and could never be humane

Although if you really think it is perhaps you are insane

Then the amount of land used to farm the food for the

‘edible’ creatures to eat

It’s 80% of the planet’s farmland and quite a figure to beat

If I had half an acre of land I could grow everything that I need

And I wouldn’t kill off any creature because I’m happy to share my seed